The good people of my city...well 15% of them have voted in Rob Ford as mayor. I'm not a fan to put it lightly. When he was named our mayor, I could do nothing more but hope for the best and expect the worst, and well the worst is slowly being realized...
Ford has announced that "Transit City is dead". Yes its done. After all that planning, all those contracts, all that equipment bought, he's scrapping the project. Except he ran on a platform of claiming to save Torontonians money. Taxes will not go up, the car tax will be abolished, etc. etc. I wonder where he's going to get this money to build subways? And what about the money already spent on the LRTs? What's our defeict going to be next year, huh Rob?
Now Rob Ford is dense, he really has no fucking clue. I watched his first press conference and I had to sit through his heavy breathing, his stumbling over a very simple speech, and his swallowing of water with his mouth open, which disgusted me more than it probably should have. So being the rocket scientist he is (his team are geniuses as well) he invited senile, out of touch, passed his due date, hockey 'pundit' Don Cherry, who lives in Mississauga no less. Not even Toronto! Cue the mean girl's quote:
That kiss — is that the kiss of death that they give like, ah, I guess that’s what they do around here. Well actually I’m wearing pinko for all the pinkos out there that ride bicycles and everything. I thought I’d get it in.
What’d you expect, Ron Maclean here, to come here? But, you know, I have to, I am befuddled, because I thought I was just doing a good thing coming down with Rob, and I was gonna do this here and it was gonna be nice and the whole deal.
I’m been being ripped to shreds by the left-wing pinko newspapers out there. It’s unbelievable. One guy called me a jerk in a pink suit, so I thought I’d wear that for him too, today.
You know, it’s funny, in those articles my church was, I was made fun of because I go to church. I’m easy to do it that way. I was called maudlin for the troops because I honour the troops. This is the kind of, uh, you’re gonna be facing, Rob, with these left-wing pinkos. They scrape the bottom of the barrel.
But again, I was asked why I was asked. And I asked Doug, Rob, why? And they said we need a famous good-looking guy, and I said, I’m your man, right? Right off the bat.
You know I was asked why, why, why a landslide. And I was in their corner right from the start. I phoned, they phoned me, Doug phoned me, the morning, you’ll get a landslide, and why? Because Rob’s honest, he’s truthful, he’s like Julian Fantino. What you see is what you get. He’s no phony.
And I could go on right now, all the millions and thousands of dollars he’s gonna save and everything, but I’d just like to tell a little story that was in the Sun, I think it was in the back pages. This is a little thing. [City Ombudsman] Fiona Crean, for 18 months, has been trying to get something done with City Hall. And then the story, I think some of you know the story, that there was a little old lady and all of a sudden she got banged on the door, and two guys were there and said, “We’re cutting your tree down.”
You know this is a little thing, but this is to me is a big thing. “We’re cutting your tree down.” And she says I don’t want it, that’s my favourite tree, a hundred year old. “No, it’s down. Cut it down.” And then they give her a, send her a bill for $5,000 for cutting it down. And for 18 months, her son and Fiona were, “City Hall, City Hall, please help us.” Thirty, 40 calls. Unbelievable. Nothing. Laughed at.
Rob’s in the mayor one day. Apology comes, and a $5,000 cheque. And that’s why I say he’s going to be the greatest mayor this city has ever seen, as far as I’m concerned, and put that in your pipe, you left-wing kooks. Thank you very much.
Like, what is he even saying? Why was he invited? Why isn't he in a retirement home eating paste? The fact that he was invited to speak, says everything about Rob Ford and how out of touch he really is.
And what's with the Fantino remark? Who cares, he was voted in as an MP in VAUGHN! Listen, I get that Stephen Harper's plan of the complete conservatising of Ontario is underway, and y'all are excited being because Rob Ford and Don Cherry are right wing-blue collar-lunch box carrying-average joe-millionaires, oh wait-
To suggest that Rob Ford or Don Cherry represent the working class is a load of horse shit. While I'm paying off my student loans, they get to be self righteous and slag off people who dare to ride their bikes to work *gasp*, and immigrants, and our LGBTQ community, from their multi-million dollar homes. The do not represent anyone but the elites that they so readily criticize. According to them if you care about the environment and the arts and social programs you are an elite. Clearly they have no friends in their earning bracket...
Don Cherry's presence was inappropriate, his speech disrespectful to the councillors and the people of Toronto. "Left-wing pinkos" or not, our councillors are democratically elected, and his criticisms were nothing more than name calling.
I won't lie, I am worried what this city will turn into. Stephen Harper, I see your silhouette on the horizon, to take Toronto? Don't be surprised if he does. And if you think this whole Rob Ford saga is unrelated, you're an idiot!
As much as I love Toronto, I feel as if there's nothing left for me here. I have my friends and family, yes but a) I need to fly the nest and b) my friends and I are at that point where we're figuring out our lives. I need to leave. Toronto isn't doing anything for me anymore. Its the same people, the same events, the same everything.
I want to move out, Viv suggested Kensington and was all excited about moving to Kensington but I'm over Kensington, its one street with overpriced vintage shops and hipster scum I don't give a f*ck about Kensington or the beaches, or the bluffs, or the danforth, or Queen St. West, or St. Lawrence Market, or the Village or North York or East York or Scarborough or Mid-Town.
I've out grown this city. Its time that I leave. I want to move on. Toronto will always be my home, I'll always love it, but I need to get the f*ck out of here, its not contributing to my life anymore. I'm in a perfect position to just pick up leave, I'm not in a committed relationship, I don't have any kids, I down have my own car, I'm seeing the end of my university education, I don't have anything tying me down. I'm done! We're done! Its over!
I will for sure move to Vancouver and eventually and permanently Sydney. Goodbye Toronto, Goodbye Canada, its settled.
Does anyone else have eleventeen products just to wash their face or is it just me?
Mogs and I had a girls weekend (OMG its almost been a year WAH) and the amount of products I brought with me was ridiculous. As I started unpacking everything in the bathroom, I thought to myself: Am I really this high maintenance? I never really noticed until I had to lug that sh*t with me to the hotel. Even this past May 2/4 I tried to tone it down but my bag still weighed a tonne because my hair needs leave in conditioner.
Don`t know how I`m high maintenance because my daily make up routine consists of eye liner, mascara, and bronzer, and if you think that`s a lot you`re either a dude or all you use is soap.
-Kinda raging at how another Friday night has been robbed because of work. I'm sorry, I'm not the kind of person who can party all night and wake up at quatre to 5 the next morning, I guess I'm not that much of a rock star.
-I went on a f*cking quest to get a gift for someone, and they better like it! F*cking made in Japan, and all!
-Dying my hair a lighter golden brown, deal with it!
-Clubbing is so ridiculous, just the whole culture surrounding it. That's why whenever I do go, I'm completely drunk or high or both so I'm not completely horrified at everyone and everything...so next weekend is going to be a sloppy weekend. Drunk dialing Mogs in Australia because that's what she did to me at like 8am! All I heard was MR. CAB DRIVER I NEED TO PEE, SH*T I NEED TO PEE, GO FASTER. MR. CAB DRIVER I NEED TO PEE SO BAD!!!!! She's going to get it!
This post is completely pointless, I'm just stalling because I don't want to go to bed.
Corey looked sooooooooooooo good the other day. UNF UNF UNF
He looked like a rugged mountain man dressed like a Ralph Lauren model. Why did I give up on him again???????? Even thinking about him now...DAMN!!!!!!!
I saw The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo tonight. I was thinking about posting this on Death of a Trend but the subject matter is a little heavier than squeeing over boys, so I think its more at place over here at Dark Vaudeville.
So where to begin?
Synopsis: An elderly millionaire, Henrik Vanger (Svend-Bertil Taube), is haunted by the disappearance and suspected murder of his niece who vanished 40 years ago. Each year he is sent a package from an anonymous sender, whom he believes is his neice's killer. He enlists the help of a well respected journalist, Mikael Blokvist (Michael Nyqvist) who has just been convicted of libel. He has 6 months before he must serve his sentence and 6 months to solve this 40 year old mystery. Vanger tells Blokvist that he believes the killer is a member of his family as they all reside on one island and the day that Harriet disappeared, there was an accident blocking the only entrance and exit to and from the Vanger family Island. Throughout his investigation Blokvist is being tracked by professional hacker Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Repace). Salander, in making the first break in the case in over 39 years, decides to help Blokvist investigate the disappearance and possible murder of Harriet Vanger. Through their investigations you learn that the Vanger clan are indeed a horrible bunch who hold many secrets between them and each scene brings you closer and closer to the deplorable truth.
My verdict: From an asexual standpoint I thought it was an excellent movie. Suspense, mystery, plot line, acting, action, it was all there. Injustices were 'righted' and the good people won in the end, so from an asexual standpoint I could leave the theatre satisfied that those sick motherf-ckers got theirs.
BUT
From a female standpoint it left me shaken. Oh there might me spoilers up a head so if you don't want me to spoil anything, stop reading now!
As I've grown older I've become more aware of what it means to be a woman in this society and what our status is. This doesn't make me a harpy, or a lesbian, or a militant feminist who hates men, so if that's your line of thinking you can go ahead and shut the f-ck up. In this movie there is a lot of violence towards women, as in brutal violence, rape, and murder and it didn't just happen to one woman or two women or three women but MANY women, in fact the violence touched all the female characters in this movie save one.
Watching this movie, it really disturbed me because how many movies are out there that brutalize women just for a shocking end or to prove the evilness of the bad guy? Why is it that when writers want to show the darkest of human nature they take it out on women? This is not me being oversensitive, because watching The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo I got that cold, heavy, nauseating feeling in my stomach I had when I watched:
-The Cell -Se7en -Kiss The Girls -Silence of The Lambs -Jagged Edge -Eastern Promises -Perfume: Story of a Murderer -Copy Cat -From Hell -The Black Dahlia
There are probably more but these are the ones that came to mind. So there are many movies with brutal violence toward women and no its not just a punch in the face kind of violence, its sexual violence which is even more devastating than a broken nose or arm could ever be. I'm probably more aware of this because I am a woman and the threat of sexual violence is a very real concern, as I talked about here, when I was explaining it to my brother he rolled his eyes a bit but then I listed all the movies above and then he understood and agreed there is a lot of violence towards women in our mass media. If you see this movie then you will know the sexual violence the female characters must endure. Lisbeth, who I admire (as much as you can admire a fictional character), is raped and beaten. Harriet Vanger was a victim of rape and incest. All the women that were investigated were brutally tortured, raped, and murdered.
Seriously what the f-ck?
I'm not against telling stories about violence against women, it happens, A LOT, 1 in 4 women are victims of sexual assault, think of the 4 most important women in you life, one of them has experienced some kind of sexual abuse, so not to talk about or address it, to just sweep it under the rug would be doing the women who are abused a disservice. HOWEVER, was it necessary for essentially every woman in this story (the movie was based on a book) to have been sexually assaulted in such terrible ways? Could we not get a respite? Because I felt it went beyond the point of telling the story of violence against women and crossed the line of exploitation. It got to a point where I was sick to my stomach.
Lisbeth, Harriet, Liv, Magda, Sarah, Mari, BJ, all the nameless women who showed up in the killer's trophy photos, beaten, raped, and most of them killed. The Swedish title of the book/movie is called 'Men Who Hate Women'. Really, because much of human history and current events could not tell me that, I needed a book and movie to let me in on this inside information. This movie left a dark cloud over my soul because I've seen this story line many times before, maybe too many times. I'm trying to be as pragmatic as possible here, to ensure that I'm not overreacting but I don't think I am. Lisbeth's rape was particularly brutal as you saw everything, and despite her getting revenge on her attacker, I still felt deeply upset by it. Even though you don't see Harriet get abused, in a flashback you see a 16 year old girl, face bloodied, blouse torn open, exposing her bra, running away from her shirtless, drunken father, even a scene like that is enough to leave me shaken.
If it was strictly a murder mystery without the torture and rape I think I would have appreciated the movie more but with all this sexual violence, despite Lisbeth and Harriet's strong spirit, this movie just left me feeling empty inside and proving once again that women are only vehicle's for men's desires, fears, and fantasies.
The book was a trilogy and there are two other movies that have been made, I might see them because I am curious about Lisbeth Salander's story, she was the best part of the movie, and I think I'll make a separate post on her alone but if I do decide to see the other two movies, I'll mentally prepare myself because to be honest The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo blindsided me.
Death of Trend started out as kind of a diarist blog but then it turned into fan girl rants, so I created Dark Vaudeville so I could have a place to post about whatever was/is happening in my life without it being squished between my Kings of Leon fan girling and my Puck Bunny posts. Today I went back, WAY back in time to 2006, to read my posts from the very beginning and damn, what drugs did I take?
I have this habit, ever since I've kept a diary, even a written one, of deleting or ripping out embarrassing entries, I did it to Death of a Trend before, which was actually started in 2004 but all those entries no longer exist. I shutter at my own words, my own thoughts. If archaeologists find my diaries they'll be so pissed at me because I've deleted certain parts of my life and they will be unable to create a full picture.
I'm also more cautious about putting my face out there. Facebook is okay for that because to a point you can control who sees your image but I've stopped doing that on blogger. I used to do it but it always felt wrong, like I was giving something up.
I can't be Lauren White, who documents every aspect of her life. I mean its totally cool for her but I don't know how I would feel knowing that some random dude in Germany knows the colour of my bedroom walls, you know? And ever since I activated that google analytics device I fully understand the amount of people that actually read my blogs.
It was a huge shock because for the longest time I was under the impression that my blogs had their own little corner in cyber space where once in a while someone would stumble upon it, realize it wasn't porn and move on but thousands of people THOUSANDS have read my words, and tolerated my fanatics (no hate mail yet) it was a little unsettling. Yes I posted shit on the internet but I was under the illusion that no one read it, because why would they? Why out of all the wonderful blogs on the internet would someone want to read why I hate the way Sidney Crosby does his hair?
So now I'm still coming to terms with the fact that people visit my blogs regularly looking for whatever my entries give them, and its weird to have an audience, because before it was about me, whatever I wanted to post about I did but now there are people who have expectations and that's...very strange to me.
Don't want to be a traffic whore and post 5 times a day on KOL anymore just because their posts bring in the most readers. I want to post about what I want to post about but always before I hit that publish button I wonder, will they want this? Will they still read my blogs if I publish this?
At the end of the day, I don't get any money out of this. I don't advertise on my blogs(some travel agency wanted to advertise on my blog, WHAT). So I don't owe anyone anything, if I want to post about crocheting or scrap booking, then I will! I'm going to continue on doing what I've always done, I just wish I had that false sense of security again.
Wow this post evolved into something completely different...
So there's this dude- we'll call him Corey, and he works with me and DAMN he is SO hot, SO SO HOT! I have not got this giddy about a guy since I was 14 (Oh Jordan). That's what he does he reduces me to a bumbling, giggling, 14 year old fan girl.
He is that hot.
The reason why I turn into a 14 year old fan girl because he's basically my tween prince charming, he's everything I thought the perfect guy would be: Brown hair, blue eyes, muscular, tall(ish), and a bit of a bad boy. This was irresistible to me from the time I discovered boys at 11 to my reality check at 15.
Did I mention he has dimples? Well he has dimples!
I haven't wanted to get down with someone this bad in so long. And when I say bad I mean BAD.
I mean I get it. I know what's up. I'm probably a 7-7.5 depending on who you're talking to. I have no illusions, I don't even bother with 10s because, why would I? Why would I put myself through just being someone's plaything just to have them walk off with another 10. Its not worth my sanity or the heartache, so if your above an 8 I don't even entertain those thoughts. There is nothing wrong with being pragmatic, honestly I am A-Okay with this. After my reality check I was just like 'You're never going to be an astronaut! Why not be an accountant' or a similar metaphor, the point is we can't all be astronauts and we all can't bag Megan Fox, build a bridge and get over it!
So from 15-22 I've had realistic goals when it comes to guys. Corey changes this. Because he is a fucking 10 and I cannot help myself, I giggle when he shows up, I mean-
He is the strong silent type but he wants to talk to me, he just never does. Either I miss his head nod, or he misses my smile, he's awkward so it makes me awkward; he doesn't make it easy. The first time I spoke to him was through another dude, who was having a conversation with me. He just stood there listening, engaged, body language open and turned to me, and only pipped up once with this: 'are you serious'.
Three words. THREE WORDS! Why is this brain surgery???? WHY ARE WE 12?!?!?!!?!? Do I need to pass a not to Andrew to give it to him to check either the 'yes' box or 'no' box. WHAT IS THIS!
Its obvious he wants to talk to me and its obvious I want to talk to him and yet we just.can't.do.it.
And I would totally be down with just being his friend, it wouldn't have to be like that, besides I could always get drunk and throw myself at him and then we could like make out in a dark corner because that's what friends do, HELLO!
But I am crushing hard on Corey. He was at work today and I said to myself 'you know what we wouldn't even have to have sex. I'd just give him a bj and that would be enough for me'
What is wrong with me?
I am breaking my rules with this dude. Throwing out any sort of propriety and composure, if this goes to where I want it to go it could be bad nay- scratch that it will be bad...and I don't even care!
Is it bad that I want to make things difficult for you?
Like being 'unavailable' when maybe, just maybe I'm not, just so you'd understand what it feels like when someone you care about doesn't seem care enough to prioritize, as if you're not worthy of their time management skills. We all lead busy lives yes but you can make time for your friends but not for me? Why should I then make time for you?
It got to the point where you would make plans with me and then I would make plans with someone else on the exact same day because I knew, I KNEW that you would flake out, and you know what every single time you did flake out.
Was that a dick move? I wouldn't say so, its not like you were committed to spending time with me, so why should I be committed to spending time with you. Can't make it? That's okay! After I hang up, I'm going out with people that actually do care. How can you have any kind of a relationship with someone who's always cancelling. Its shows a lack of commitment, a lack of responsibility, and an implication of selfishness, as if its only your time that's being spent or wasted.
That's why I ended it so long ago because I refused to have one foot out the door only to have you call 5 minutes before and cancel, its heart crushing to be stood up, by someone so close no less.
And you know what that's what's happening again except now I'm cancelling, so you can understand, so you can appreciate what it was like for me all those years. Its funny I can hear the pain in your voice, see the desperation in your messages because you miss me and hey you want to see me. It sucks doesn't it? When someone you care about doesn't seem to care about you.
Except I do care but you have to understand. For this to continue you have to get it.
I just discovered this site called Form Spring Me. Basically you set up an account and people submit questions to you, either anonymously or through their user name. So I got one because I'm a sucker for online surveys (don't judge). So if you want to what colour socks I'm wearing or how often a floss FORM SPRING ME.
I had a pretty good New Year`s Eve. I went to a house party of a friend, of a friend, of a friend. The only people I knew were Viv and Chris. I had zero expectations for how the night would go down because I didn`t know 90% of the people, and this turned out to be a good thing.
I quickly made friends with randoms(the wine helped with this) and once again I was oblivious to some dude flirting with me (the wine helped with this) some typical caker , who plays hockey, and calls his friends his 'buddies', whatever. And the girls' whose place it was, kept feeding me shots and I never say no to shots, I`m guessing this contributed to my now hangover.
But dang, I feel like shit!
I drank waaaay too much. I don`t even know how I made it up the stairs to my bed. My head was spinning all night and I only felt better after I woke up at 8am (after getting home at 3:30) and downed two Advil, and an orange, apparently people, this is a hangover cure!
I don`t party hard on a regular basis, so I say I`m allowed to have gone nuts, especially on New Years Eve!
Despite my hangover though, I had an amazing night with strangers, in Mississauga!
My frustration is that I'm putting in much more than what I am getting, this friendship scale is starting to tip so that my end is bearing most of the weight.
And a person who displays selfish behaviour however innocent it may be, will not recognize the effort and not realize that they need to give too.
I should pull back. This is the only way for them to truly understand the role I play in their lives because fuck, I am an amazing friend, and I shouldn't have to apologize for knowing that!
Have you heard Patrick Wolf's 'The Bachelor'? If you haven't you must!
Patrick's Wolf's voice is so rich and beautiful, and so emotive! Sometimes he honestly takes my breath away. The Bachelor is just another stepping stone on his way to greatness. He is seriously underrated! His songs are like dark adult fairy tales on acid, that's the best way I can describe it.
Not to mention he's fucking weird...and I wouldn't want him any other way.
The writers on this show, just fucking tops! I mean they took a while to get there last season but this season? FUCK ME, AMAZING!
I've been watching from the first season and the character development is the best I've ever seen. Take for example Rita, although I don't really like her character but her progression and development has been amazing, from season one where she was a severely damaged, meek, tragic woman to today where she's strong, confident, and the anchor of her marriage. Complete 180 to what they introduced her as. Can you believe?
The twists and turns of this season have just been exhilarating, and John Lithgow is the epitome of fucking creepy! To me season 2 is still the best season but this comes in at a close second! I cannot wait until next week. I'm so revved up. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN?????
I can't wait for this season to start! So many questions need to be answered, is Roman dead? How will Nikki's daughter fit in? Will Sarah get married? Is Barb finally going to implode? Is Alby going to get a boyfriend? so many questions that I need answers. BOO to you HBO for having 8 week long shows and then we have to wait nearly a year before we find out what happens!
PS Interpol fits perfectly! If there ever was a band who is deserving of their indie cool cred/hype its Interpol, Paul Banks voice alone is sad, haunting, and strangely enamouring!
The Holiday shopping season has officially begun and while I'd love to be all punk rock and not participate in the Holiday consumerism the pressures of society and the heartbreak and judgement of my loved ones prevents me from doing so...I guess I'm not that punk rock after all.
Also we're in a recession and despite what our governments may say I really don't think we've seen the end or even the worst of it, so spending loads of money on getting your little brother a new PSP for Christmas may not exactly be viable, never fear I am an expert on giving amazing, heartfelt, cheap presents (because I am a student putting myself through school).
Here are my suggestions dearest interwebs do with them what you will but I must say the feedback I've gotten has been 100% positive! The Mixed Tape or CD I love making mixed tapes, love, love, LOVE making mixed tapes...errr I mean CDs, haven't made a mixed tape since 1999...Mixed CDs are no longer only for your l'amour toujour, non, it can be for anyone! Either for that person whose musical taste is questionable and you want to introduce them to greener pastures or for a friendship that you think, deserves a soundtrack. To make it even more personal create a original CD cover ( I usually do collages) and add liner notes.
Value For Your Buck: If you're going to do this make sure you do it for multiple people as blank CDs and CD covers do not come in single packs. Also shop at places like Zellers ( I don't endorse the W) they have the same brands as Best Buy or Future Shop but lower prices
Baked Goods Who doesn't love cupcakes or chocolate chip cookies or gingerbread men? The thing with bakes goods is all about the presentation, once you've baked your cookies hit up the dollar store and buy some cellophane and ribbon to dress up your gingerbread men, add a cheesy poem or funny rhyming couplet and you're good to go! Value For Your Buck: This may not be the best idea if your intended receiver is vegan/gluten free/fat free/etc since those ingredients do cost more
Books BOOKS! Books are a great gift idea, you can give your favourite cousin your favourite book or introduce reading to your best friend whose reading consists of the mazes in the back of a cheerio box. Books are relatively inexpensive, I once got my friend a Yoga Book for women, fully illustrated, over 300 hundred pages, for less than $30, amazing, non? Value For Your Buck: Do your research. Know the intended receiver. Know the book(more or less). My friend Amanda and I have decided that our presents to each other are only going to be books and we send each other book lists, after that we have to choose from that list what we will give to each other, so its kind of a surprise but more importantly, neither of us would have wasted our money on books that don't interest us.
Make Your Own Soap Why should you be spending a gagillion dollars on the body shop and bath and body works when you can make your own soaps and lotions. You can decide whether your soaps and lotions will be nothing but a nice smell or if they actually have exfoliates/moisturizers/nutrients. You can decide the shape, colour, and purpose of your products. Teach Soap is a great resource if you're going to make your own soap. Value for Your Buck: Once again making your own soap is the kind of present best done if you you want to gift multiple people, maybe you could also give them a mixed CD as well ;) IKEA This is totally not a cop out, ok? IKEA has so many great thing for low prices. A friend just moved into a new apartment? How about some new dinner plates! Your Dad gets cold while watching tv (and you don't believe in snuggies)? then buy him a throw! Your daughter needs a night light? Then buy her a star shaped light to put in her room! Have an aunt you never know what to get? Get her some $10 silver candle sticks!
Value for Your Buck: If you're like me then you LOVE IKEA. When you go in there, have a game plan and stick to it or else you'll be finding reasons why you need that weird shaped paper lamp that only costs $20.
Toast was a pointless invention from the Dark Ages. Toast was an implement of torture that caused all those subjected to it to regurgitate in verbal form the sins and crimes of their past lives. Toast was a ritual item devoured by fetishists in the belief that it would enhance their kinetic and sexual powers. Toast cannot be explained by any rational means.
Toast is me.
I am toast.
