Prosperity, Continuity, and Adjustments

Death of Trend started out as kind of a diarist blog but then it turned into fan girl rants, so I created Dark Vaudeville so I could have a place to post about whatever was/is happening in my life without it being squished between my Kings of Leon fan girling and my Puck Bunny posts. Today I went back, WAY back in time to 2006, to read my posts from the very beginning and damn, what drugs did I take?

I have this habit, ever since I've kept a diary, even a written one, of deleting or ripping out embarrassing entries, I did it to Death of a Trend before, which was actually started in 2004 but all those entries no longer exist. I shutter at my own words, my own thoughts. If archaeologists find my diaries they'll be so pissed at me because I've deleted certain parts of my life and they will be unable to create a full picture.

I'm also more cautious about putting my face out there. Facebook is okay for that because to a point you can control who sees your image but I've stopped doing that on blogger. I used to do it but it always felt wrong, like I was giving something up.

I can't be Lauren White, who documents every aspect of her life. I mean its totally cool for her but I don't know how I would feel knowing that some random dude in Germany knows the colour of my bedroom walls, you know? And ever since I activated that google analytics device I fully understand the amount of people that actually read my blogs.

It was a huge shock because for the longest time I was under the impression that my blogs had their own little corner in cyber space where once in a while someone would stumble upon it, realize it wasn't porn and move on but thousands of people THOUSANDS have read my words, and tolerated my fanatics (no hate mail yet) it was a little unsettling. Yes I posted shit on the internet but I was under the illusion that no one read it, because why would they? Why out of all the wonderful blogs on the internet would someone want to read why I hate the way Sidney Crosby does his hair?

So now I'm still coming to terms with the fact that people visit my blogs regularly looking for whatever my entries give them, and its weird to have an audience, because before it was about me, whatever I wanted to post about I did but now there are people who have expectations and that's...very strange to me.

Don't want to be a traffic whore and post 5 times a day on KOL anymore just because their posts bring in the most readers. I want to post about what I want to post about but always before I hit that publish button I wonder, will they want this? Will they still read my blogs if I publish this?

At the end of the day, I don't get any money out of this. I don't advertise on my blogs(some travel agency wanted to advertise on my blog, WHAT). So I don't owe anyone anything, if I want to post about crocheting or scrap booking, then I will! I'm going to continue on doing what I've always done, I just wish I had that false sense of security again.

Wow this post evolved into something completely different...