Lust/Love Awkward Tales of Perfect Tens

So there's this dude- we'll call him Corey, and he works with me and DAMN he is SO hot, SO SO HOT! I have not got this giddy about a guy since I was 14 (Oh Jordan). That's what he does he reduces me to a bumbling, giggling, 14 year old fan girl.

He is that hot.

The reason why I turn into a 14 year old fan girl because he's basically my tween prince charming, he's everything I thought the perfect guy would be: Brown hair, blue eyes, muscular, tall(ish), and a bit of a bad boy. This was irresistible to me from the time I discovered boys at 11 to my reality check at 15.

Did I mention he has dimples? Well he has dimples!

I haven't wanted to get down with someone this bad in so long. And when I say bad I mean BAD.

I mean I get it. I know what's up. I'm probably a 7-7.5 depending on who you're talking to. I have no illusions, I don't even bother with 10s because, why would I? Why would I put myself through just being someone's plaything just to have them walk off with another 10. Its not worth my sanity or the heartache, so if your above an 8 I don't even entertain those thoughts. There is nothing wrong with being pragmatic, honestly I am A-Okay with this. After my reality check I was just like 'You're never going to be an astronaut! Why not be an accountant' or a similar metaphor, the point is we can't all be astronauts and we all can't bag Megan Fox, build a bridge and get over it!

So from 15-22 I've had realistic goals when it comes to guys. Corey changes this. Because he is a fucking 10 and I cannot help myself, I giggle when he shows up, I mean-

He is the strong silent type but he wants to talk to me, he just never does. Either I miss his head nod, or he misses my smile, he's awkward so it makes me awkward; he doesn't make it easy. The first time I spoke to him was through another dude, who was having a conversation with me. He just stood there listening, engaged, body language open and turned to me, and only pipped up once with this: 'are you serious'.

Three words. THREE WORDS! Why is this brain surgery???? WHY ARE WE 12?!?!?!!?!? Do I need to pass a not to Andrew to give it to him to check either the 'yes' box or 'no' box. WHAT IS THIS!

Its obvious he wants to talk to me and its obvious I want to talk to him and yet we just.can't.do.it.

And I would totally be down with just being his friend, it wouldn't have to be like that, besides I could always get drunk and throw myself at him and then we could like make out in a dark corner because that's what friends do, HELLO!

But I am crushing hard on Corey. He was at work today and I said to myself 'you know what we wouldn't even have to have sex. I'd just give him a bj and that would be enough for me'

What is wrong with me?

I am breaking my rules with this dude. Throwing out any sort of propriety and composure, if this goes to where I want it to go it could be bad nay- scratch that it will be bad...and I don't even care!

The sex will be earth shattering though...

You blew it, kid!

As you get older you get a reality check, when it comes to courtship and relationships. Firstly, that may be the 'cutest boi eva' but he's also the biggest douche bag ever with gonorrhea. Secondly looks really aren't that important if the dude is funny, talented (at whatever he does), sweet, passionate, nice, and treats you the way you should be treated.

I mean I've fallen in love with dudes that weren't exactly Johnny Depp, they weren't ugly by any stretch of the imagination but again, no Johnny Depp. But they were cool, we vibed, we had fun, etc. Which is what any relationship is about, right?

So because of this experience I have/had sworn off all pretty boys, all athletic types because my experiences with them have ALWAYS been negative, as in it always turns into a love triangle...ALWAYS and since I don't believe in competing for affections, I always bow out and subsequently loose that love battle.

Whatever they're just dudes, its not that serious.

Anyway, so when I see a pretty/athletic type of dude I'll say to myself 'Oh he's hot' and then go back to whatever I was doing before. I don't flirt, I don't try and obtain numbers, I don't stalk on facebook, I don't entertain ANY of those thoughts. At all. Ever.

I've gotten really good, so good that when they try and flirt with me, it doesn't even register, and they're standing there talking to me with a hint of disbelief written on their face because I'm not eating up everything they're saying; I'm not asking engaging, flirty questions. Its strictly plan tonic, not romantic, not even sexual, just 'hey dude what's up'. It confuses them.

So because of this err 'outlook'(???), I unwittingly shut down this dude for a month and a half. Bless him, he kept on trying.

Didn't really get it then but in hindsight, he was really trying.

His attempts didn't even come up on my radar because, to be honest, I didn't think he would be interested in me, so subconsciously I suppressed the usual 'OMGEEE HE'S SO HOT', and I just didn't get it.

1)He helped bring shit to my car even though I didn't ask him to. I totally brushed him off, telling him to just put it down and that I'll deal with it.

2)In our seminar he kept looking at me and always got this nervous look on his face

3)When I spoke to him he would get shy and just stare and then randomly declare things in a very authoritative manner.

4)The most telling of all things, was when we were alone. in the office. in the dark. He kept on asking me about my summer and what I had done and if I had enjoyed it. Even when I gave very short, non-engaging answers, he still continued. Even after a moment of silence, he continued. Even after I told him I had to go, he continued. And this time was different than all the others because I could actually feel that he was trying, you know? Before this day if you told me he was into me I'd probably say you were on crack but this time I felt the tension. I didn't feel it immediately, only after I left I thought 'what the hell just happened?'

Now I'm kicking myself because how could I be so dense? He was hot, muscular, tall, green eyed, and he wasn't a douche bag, and he was nice to me, and I completely shut him down! Just because of all of those other hot, muscular, tall, green eyed, dudes that came before him.

DAMN!

And now that school has started our schedules do no intersect at all and I don't know if and when I'll see him again. UGH!

...this also makes me wonder how many other hot dudes I've unknowingly shut down.

What an idiot