Men Who Hate Women

I saw The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo tonight. I was thinking about posting this on Death of a Trend but the subject matter is a little heavier than squeeing over boys, so I think its more at place over here at Dark Vaudeville.

So where to begin?

Synopsis: An elderly millionaire, Henrik Vanger (Svend-Bertil Taube), is haunted by the disappearance and suspected murder of his niece who vanished 40 years ago. Each year he is sent a package from an anonymous sender, whom he believes is his neice's killer. He enlists the help of a well respected journalist, Mikael Blokvist (Michael Nyqvist) who has just been convicted of libel. He has 6 months before he must serve his sentence and 6 months to solve this 40 year old mystery. Vanger tells Blokvist that he believes the killer is a member of his family as they all reside on one island and the day that Harriet disappeared, there was an accident blocking the only entrance and exit to and from the Vanger family Island. Throughout his investigation Blokvist is being tracked by professional hacker Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Repace). Salander, in making the first break in the case in over 39 years, decides to help Blokvist investigate the disappearance and possible murder of Harriet Vanger. Through their investigations you learn that the Vanger clan are indeed a horrible bunch who hold many secrets between them and each scene brings you closer and closer to the deplorable truth.


My verdict: From an asexual standpoint I thought it was an excellent movie. Suspense, mystery, plot line, acting, action, it was all there. Injustices were 'righted' and the good people won in the end, so from an asexual standpoint I could leave the theatre satisfied that those sick motherf-ckers got theirs.

BUT

From a female standpoint it left me shaken. Oh there might me spoilers up a head so if you don't want me to spoil anything, stop reading now!

As I've grown older I've become more aware of what it means to be a woman in this society and what our status is. This doesn't make me a harpy, or a lesbian, or a militant feminist who hates men, so if that's your line of thinking you can go ahead and shut the f-ck up. In this movie there is a lot of violence towards women, as in brutal violence, rape, and murder and it didn't just happen to one woman or two women or three women but MANY women, in fact the violence touched all the female characters in this movie save one.

Watching this movie, it really disturbed me because how many movies are out there that brutalize women just for a shocking end or to prove the evilness of the bad guy? Why is it that when writers want to show the darkest of human nature they take it out on women? This is not me being oversensitive, because watching The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo I got that cold, heavy, nauseating feeling in my stomach I had when I watched:

-The Cell
-Se7en
-Kiss The Girls
-Silence of The Lambs
-Jagged Edge
-Eastern Promises
-Perfume: Story of a Murderer
-Copy Cat
-From Hell
-The Black Dahlia

There are probably more but these are the ones that came to mind. So there are many movies with brutal violence toward women and no its not just a punch in the face kind of violence, its sexual violence which is even more devastating than a broken nose or arm could ever be. I'm probably more aware of this because I am a woman and the threat of sexual violence is a very real concern, as I talked about here, when I was explaining it to my brother he rolled his eyes a bit but then I listed all the movies above and then he understood and agreed there is a lot of violence towards women in our mass media. If you see this movie then you will know the sexual violence the female characters must endure. Lisbeth, who I admire (as much as you can admire a fictional character), is raped and beaten. Harriet Vanger was a victim of rape and incest. All the women that were investigated were brutally tortured, raped, and murdered.

Seriously what the f-ck?


I'm not against telling stories about violence against women, it happens, A LOT, 1 in 4 women are victims of sexual assault, think of the 4 most important women in you life, one of them has experienced some kind of sexual abuse, so not to talk about or address it, to just sweep it under the rug would be doing the women who are abused a disservice. HOWEVER, was it necessary for essentially every woman in this story (the movie was based on a book) to have been sexually assaulted in such terrible ways? Could we not get a respite? Because I felt it went beyond the point of telling the story of violence against women and crossed the line of exploitation. It got to a point where I was sick to my stomach.

Lisbeth, Harriet, Liv, Magda, Sarah, Mari, BJ, all the nameless women who showed up in the killer's trophy photos, beaten, raped, and most of them killed. The Swedish title of the book/movie is called 'Men Who Hate Women'. Really, because much of human history and current events could not tell me that, I needed a book and movie to let me in on this inside information.
This movie left a dark cloud over my soul because I've seen this story line many times before, maybe too many times. I'm trying to be as pragmatic as possible here, to ensure that I'm not overreacting but I don't think I am. Lisbeth's rape was particularly brutal as you saw everything, and despite her getting revenge on her attacker, I still felt deeply upset by it. Even though you don't see Harriet get abused, in a flashback you see a 16 year old girl, face bloodied, blouse torn open, exposing her bra, running away from her shirtless, drunken father, even a scene like that is enough to leave me shaken.

If it was strictly a murder mystery without the torture and rape I think I would have appreciated the movie more but with all this sexual violence, despite Lisbeth and Harriet's strong spirit, this movie just left me feeling empty inside and proving once again that women are only vehicle's for men's desires, fears, and fantasies.

The book was a trilogy and there are two other movies that have been made, I might see them because I am curious about Lisbeth Salander's story, she was the best part of the movie, and I think I'll make a separate post on her alone but if I do decide to see the other two movies, I'll mentally prepare myself because to be honest The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo blindsided me.

Street Harassment: Not F*cking Cool

If you're a girl (13-17) or a woman (18+) then you know how it feels to be catcalled on the street.
You know how dehumanizing it is when a strange, very aggressive male, gets in your face telling you that your ass looks nice in those jeans. You know that icky feeling that creeps up inside, that makes you feel dirty like something less than human.

You know that feeling, and its not okay!

It doesn't matter what you're wearing, it doesn't matter what time of day it is, or if you're wearing make-up, or if you're on your period; those things don't matter because there's always an asshole out there that wants to assert his own sexuality completely disregarding the fact that girl over there is a person with feelings and a self-esteem.

Why is okay for some guy to tell me that he'd love to eat my p*ssy? Why is it okay for a strange man to ambush me and tell me he'd f*ck the shit out of me? Why is it okay to reduce me to a hole?

And what happens when I say nothing, trying to ignore the neanderthal and walk away "Oh, you can't talk? You know what you're a fucking bitch". And what happens when I try to defend myself "You got a mouth on you, you're a rude c*nt, fuck you, you're ugly anyways". Oh. I guess you're into ugly girls then, right?

So, what these men are telling me with these reactions is that its ok for a strange man to yell obscenities at me, be disrespectful, and vulgar, and when I don't give him what he wants he has a right to then be extremely aggressive and even more disrespectful, because you know women are only here for the sexual gratification of men!

These types of encounters happen to all women they can look like Gisele Bunchen, then can look like Rosie O'Donnell, it doesn't matter, catcalling and street harassment are never about courtship, its about men wanting to be abusive towards women in a way that they will always have the advantage. What do I mean by that?

Many men and many women believe that all is fine and dandy in our society and that there's no need for feminism anymore. Really? What rose coloured world are you living in, because women are still fighting an uphill battle.

Because when its 1:30am and you're sitting on the train and its just you and a man, alone in a car, you mean to tell me that the thought of you having to defend yourself against him hasn't crossed your mind? You mean to tell me that you aren't a little on edge, just in case he is that type of person? You mean you haven't looked at the alert button just once, preparing yourself, on some level, that you will have to fight?

Or when you're in an underground parking lot at 11pm its just you and another man walking in the same direction to your cars; you don't look over your shoulder to make sure he's not right behind you? You don't walk a little slower so that he can be in front of you so you know where he is? You don't get your keys ready in the elevator so you can get into your car as quickly as possible or if it comes to it, stab him in the eye?

Don't lie to me and don't lie to yourselves, these are the survival strategies that women employ everyday, and if there wasn't a need for feminism, I wouldn't have to call my brother to meet me at the bus stop because some creep won't stop staring at me.

Many, MANY, men don't see that there's anything wrong with telling a woman she looks sexy while she's walking down Yonge street, except that they're not trying to get her number, they're not trying to get to know her, they know that its not going to get them a date, so why do it? Why do you have to verbalize the feeling in your pants? Why reduce a woman to her vagina?

Still don't see anything wrong with it, dear XY'ers? Here's a social experiment for you to try and then email me the results:

On a Friday or Saturday, get ready however you would when you're getting reading to go to the clubs. Put on that tight Affliction t-shirt, or that fancy Ed Hardy button up. Pull on your best distressed jeans. Wear your niftiest leather kicks from Aldo. Spike that hair with gel and pomade. Slap on that cologne you believe attracts the ladies the best. Then, on your own, venture down to your local gay village and on your own, walk down the entertainment strip. Note the reactions you get from just being a dude, alone, walking down the street. Record the feelings that are welling up inside of you. Then answer these simple questions: Did that feel good? Did you feel sexy? Is that something you would like to happen to you over and over again? Did those reactions awaken any sort of desire that would propel you to actually engage with those catcallers?

Methinks most of you will be too chicken to try, and if the thought of the above event happening to you makes you uncomfortable well maybe you should consider the way that girl in the sundress feels next time you want to tell her that you 'bet she tastes good' or the way that woman who's all sweaty from yoga class feels when you tell her, you like the way those pants makes her ass look.

Its not okay! Its not okay when I'm wearing a sparkly dress from Le Chateau, its not okay when I'm in track pants. I'm more than your orgasm. I'm more than my vagina. I'm a daughter, sister, friend, lover, citizen of Canada, user of public pools, fan of Leonard Cohen.

Recognize that I, like all women, have a self esteem, have opinions, have hopes and aspirations! Recognize that you have absolutely no right to reduce us to a c*m dumpster just because your ego/libido needs a boost.

Still think there's no need for feminism? Yeah.Okay.

The Myth

After a year in an independent study high school my mother decided I should transfer to an all girls school. Both schools were Catholic but they could not be more different in how they approached religion, worship, and sexuality.

School one had a more laid back approach. Our priest was well known in the school community, he had an office in the school, he was easy to talk to, really friendly, and wore jeans when he wasn't leading mass. When we'd go to mass it was either in the gym or in the summer months it was on the field at the back of the school...yes mass on the grass. The emphasis was put on community, helping each other out, and being good people. At school I didn't feel stifled by religion or its dogma, and as a young woman I didn't feel as is I was carrying a burden of temptation and morality.

...in comes school two.

School two was an all girl school and not a week went by when abstinence, pro-life, and sexist dogma were not shoved down our throats. I could feel the shift instantly. Suddenly there was an abstinence group, where they'd put on lame, badly acted, skits on how to avoid having sex with your boyfriend (ironically enough one of the main members of this group was one of the most sexually active in the school) . Health class was a joke, it only highlighted the STIs we could contract if we had sex. (It was later revealed by my sister that, our gym teacher, who taguht health, had taught her year about condoms and birth control but adminsitration caught wind of this and shut down the safe sex unit in health class altogether.) Mass was held at the convent next door where we preached at about the special gift God gave to us and how it must be cherished as well as protected. Pre-marital sex was a sin. Homosexuality was a sin. Materbaution was a sin.

We were taught all of these things and yet girls at my high school still got pregnant before graduation, girls still contracted various STIs, and girls still got it on in the parking lot with their boyfriends during school dances.

I don't know about you but I'd say absitence only programs do not work.

We had this discussion with one of our more religiously inclined teachers. A classmate asked why safe sex shouldn't be taught in schools, our teacher said that providing condoms and lessons about birth control would be giving young people persmission to have sex (except that we don't need permission), my classmate countered 'but we're having sex anyway' after that my teacher shut up and continued on with the lesson.

So completely shocked and disgusted that my vagina and womb were constant fodder for both fear and control, I asked my brother and a few of my male friends who went to the all boys school up the road about abstience and pro-life: 'What's that?' 'Huh?' 'Oh we don't have that' 'They don't teach us about condoms either'

WHAT THE FUCK???

I was so angry! The blatant double standard was dispicable! I mean, a girl cannot get pregnant on her own, she cannot contract an STD all by her lonesome!

In light of this extrem sexism I started to weapons of the weak it. I skipped mass. Slept in religon class. Argued with my philiosphy teacher that yes, transgendered men and women are in face people...I was rude to him too, he deserved it! And I took a stand in business class, it may have not been on the Rosa Parks scale but I yielded the little power I did have:
It was pro-life week, the pro-lifers were passing around pictures of dead burnt babies and shit. At the end of their terrible presentation, they passed around these forms saying I making this promise to God, that I will keep my purity for marriage signed ________.
Oh fuck no!

I was seated beside a girl named Jessica, she was 6 months pregnant, so when said forms were being handed out, the pro-life girl handed me a form and sheepishly asked Jessica, 'You don't want one, do you', Jessica smiled nervously and shook her head. As everyone was signing their names the pro-life girls announced that all these sheets of paper would be placed in a bowl and be offered up to God at mass.

...



...


So as everyone passed their sheets up to the front the girls around be were like 'why aren't you handing in your sheet?' and I stated loudly, and clearly 'I'm not going to make a promise that I'm not going to keep, least of all to God' They gave me cut eye and turned back around. And that was my defiance in the fact of sexism, mysgongy, and religion.

It sucks that a woman's morality is contingent on her sexuality. A man would never be considered a bad person because he's has double digit, sexual partners but if you found out a woman had the same amount well then she'd be considered a slut, someone to be gawked at, someone to be avoided, someone not worthy of a commited relationship.

Really? REALLY?

Take a fucking walk!