I don't fucking care and that's problematic.

Holiday Consumerism

The Holiday shopping season has officially begun and while I'd love to be all punk rock and not participate in the Holiday consumerism the pressures of society and the heartbreak and judgement of my loved ones prevents me from doing so...I guess I'm not that punk rock after all.

Also we're in a recession and despite what our governments may say I really don't think we've seen the end or even the worst of it, so spending loads of money on getting your little brother a new PSP for Christmas may not exactly be viable, never fear I am an expert on giving amazing, heartfelt, cheap presents (because I am a student putting myself through school).

Here are my suggestions dearest interwebs do with them what you will but I must say the feedback I've gotten has been 100% positive!



The Mixed Tape or CD
I love making mixed tapes, love, love, LOVE making mixed tapes...errr I mean CDs, haven't made a mixed tape since 1999...Mixed CDs are no longer only for your l'amour toujour, non, it can be for anyone! Either for that person whose musical taste is questionable and you want to introduce them to greener pastures or for a friendship that you think, deserves a soundtrack. To make it even more personal create a original CD cover ( I usually do collages) and add liner notes.

Value For Your Buck: If you're going to do this make sure you do it for multiple people as blank CDs and CD covers do not come in single packs. Also shop at places like Zellers ( I don't endorse the W) they have the same brands as Best Buy or Future Shop but lower prices

Baked Goods
Who doesn't love cupcakes or chocolate chip cookies or gingerbread men? The thing with bakes goods is all about the presentation, once you've baked your cookies hit up the dollar store and buy some cellophane and ribbon to dress up your gingerbread men, add a cheesy poem or funny rhyming couplet and you're good to go!

Value For Your Buck: This may not be the best idea if your intended receiver is vegan/gluten free/fat free/etc since those ingredients do cost more



Books
BOOKS! Books are a great gift idea, you can give your favourite cousin your favourite book or introduce reading to your best friend whose reading consists of the mazes in the back of a cheerio box. Books are relatively inexpensive, I once got my friend a Yoga Book for women, fully illustrated, over 300 hundred pages, for less than $30, amazing, non?

Value For Your Buck: Do your research. Know the intended receiver. Know the book(more or less). My friend Amanda and I have decided that our presents to each other are only going to be books and we send each other book lists, after that we have to choose from that list what we will give to each other, so its kind of a surprise but more importantly, neither of us would have wasted our money on books that don't interest us.



Make Your Own Soap
Why should you be spending a gagillion dollars on the body shop and bath and body works when you can make your own soaps and lotions. You can decide whether your soaps and lotions will be nothing but a nice smell or if they actually have exfoliates/moisturizers/nutrients. You can decide the shape, colour, and purpose of your products. Teach Soap is a great resource if you're going to make your own soap.
Value for Your Buck: Once again making your own soap is the kind of present best done if you you want to gift multiple people, maybe you could also give them a mixed CD as well ;)


IKEA
This is totally not a cop out, ok? IKEA has so many great thing for low prices. A friend just moved into a new apartment? How about some new dinner plates! Your Dad gets cold while watching tv (and you don't believe in snuggies)? then buy him a throw! Your daughter needs a night light? Then buy her a star shaped light to put in her room! Have an aunt you never know what to get? Get her some $10 silver candle sticks!

Value for Your Buck: If you're like me then you LOVE IKEA. When you go in there, have a game plan and stick to it or else you'll be finding reasons why you need that weird shaped paper lamp that only costs $20.

Happy shopping dear interwebs!

Moving to New York

For a month. This summer. With the BFF.

Love New York. Miss it terribly! Its been 3 years since I've been. Can`t believe that much time has passed can`t believe how different everything is. The people I went with last time, I swore they`d always be in my life and now I speak to neither of them, and as the years passed I found out what acutally happened on that trip, between them, while I was asleep.

Ignorant to what was going on, it was one of the happiest memories of my life. I was 19 years old. My first trip out of the country without my parents, and with two my dearest friends, in one of the greatest cities on earth. The first few days we walked everywhere, we got to see a lot more of the city that way but it was mainly because we were afraid to take the subway, since the New York system is much more complicated than Toronto`s. We did end up taking it to Spring st. though, and after that realized it wasn`t that complicated after all.

We saw Ice-T in times squre, hung out in central park, played in FAO Schwartz and took a tour of the harbour. It was so much fun, good clean fun (we were underage by American standards) but looking back on it, it has now been tainted by what I didn`t know before but now I do. I still have those memories but a certain person`s attitude now makes sense. I still look back fondly but waking up alone now makes sense.

I think I`m over us not being friends anymore, I`ve realized that its very grade 7 of me to be angry with them when there is nothing to be done, hell I would even hang out with them in a group setting, I`m not saying we`d be friends, I`m just saying we`re ok now.

On to New York 2010! Will be much better, being more comfortable with myself, the city and having a real friendship with the person I`m going with. I`m excited, its nearly a year away but I can`t wait, we all need something to look forward to, right. Oh yea I will be 23 when I go, so I will be boozing it up with the lower east side!

Street Harassment: Not F*cking Cool

If you're a girl (13-17) or a woman (18+) then you know how it feels to be catcalled on the street.
You know how dehumanizing it is when a strange, very aggressive male, gets in your face telling you that your ass looks nice in those jeans. You know that icky feeling that creeps up inside, that makes you feel dirty like something less than human.

You know that feeling, and its not okay!

It doesn't matter what you're wearing, it doesn't matter what time of day it is, or if you're wearing make-up, or if you're on your period; those things don't matter because there's always an asshole out there that wants to assert his own sexuality completely disregarding the fact that girl over there is a person with feelings and a self-esteem.

Why is okay for some guy to tell me that he'd love to eat my p*ssy? Why is it okay for a strange man to ambush me and tell me he'd f*ck the shit out of me? Why is it okay to reduce me to a hole?

And what happens when I say nothing, trying to ignore the neanderthal and walk away "Oh, you can't talk? You know what you're a fucking bitch". And what happens when I try to defend myself "You got a mouth on you, you're a rude c*nt, fuck you, you're ugly anyways". Oh. I guess you're into ugly girls then, right?

So, what these men are telling me with these reactions is that its ok for a strange man to yell obscenities at me, be disrespectful, and vulgar, and when I don't give him what he wants he has a right to then be extremely aggressive and even more disrespectful, because you know women are only here for the sexual gratification of men!

These types of encounters happen to all women they can look like Gisele Bunchen, then can look like Rosie O'Donnell, it doesn't matter, catcalling and street harassment are never about courtship, its about men wanting to be abusive towards women in a way that they will always have the advantage. What do I mean by that?

Many men and many women believe that all is fine and dandy in our society and that there's no need for feminism anymore. Really? What rose coloured world are you living in, because women are still fighting an uphill battle.

Because when its 1:30am and you're sitting on the train and its just you and a man, alone in a car, you mean to tell me that the thought of you having to defend yourself against him hasn't crossed your mind? You mean to tell me that you aren't a little on edge, just in case he is that type of person? You mean you haven't looked at the alert button just once, preparing yourself, on some level, that you will have to fight?

Or when you're in an underground parking lot at 11pm its just you and another man walking in the same direction to your cars; you don't look over your shoulder to make sure he's not right behind you? You don't walk a little slower so that he can be in front of you so you know where he is? You don't get your keys ready in the elevator so you can get into your car as quickly as possible or if it comes to it, stab him in the eye?

Don't lie to me and don't lie to yourselves, these are the survival strategies that women employ everyday, and if there wasn't a need for feminism, I wouldn't have to call my brother to meet me at the bus stop because some creep won't stop staring at me.

Many, MANY, men don't see that there's anything wrong with telling a woman she looks sexy while she's walking down Yonge street, except that they're not trying to get her number, they're not trying to get to know her, they know that its not going to get them a date, so why do it? Why do you have to verbalize the feeling in your pants? Why reduce a woman to her vagina?

Still don't see anything wrong with it, dear XY'ers? Here's a social experiment for you to try and then email me the results:

On a Friday or Saturday, get ready however you would when you're getting reading to go to the clubs. Put on that tight Affliction t-shirt, or that fancy Ed Hardy button up. Pull on your best distressed jeans. Wear your niftiest leather kicks from Aldo. Spike that hair with gel and pomade. Slap on that cologne you believe attracts the ladies the best. Then, on your own, venture down to your local gay village and on your own, walk down the entertainment strip. Note the reactions you get from just being a dude, alone, walking down the street. Record the feelings that are welling up inside of you. Then answer these simple questions: Did that feel good? Did you feel sexy? Is that something you would like to happen to you over and over again? Did those reactions awaken any sort of desire that would propel you to actually engage with those catcallers?

Methinks most of you will be too chicken to try, and if the thought of the above event happening to you makes you uncomfortable well maybe you should consider the way that girl in the sundress feels next time you want to tell her that you 'bet she tastes good' or the way that woman who's all sweaty from yoga class feels when you tell her, you like the way those pants makes her ass look.

Its not okay! Its not okay when I'm wearing a sparkly dress from Le Chateau, its not okay when I'm in track pants. I'm more than your orgasm. I'm more than my vagina. I'm a daughter, sister, friend, lover, citizen of Canada, user of public pools, fan of Leonard Cohen.

Recognize that I, like all women, have a self esteem, have opinions, have hopes and aspirations! Recognize that you have absolutely no right to reduce us to a c*m dumpster just because your ego/libido needs a boost.

Still think there's no need for feminism? Yeah.Okay.

The XX

Beautiful. Warm. Perfect.

You Got The Love


Islands


Heart Skipped a Beat


Shelter

The Universe - 1; Nicole - 0

This is not what I had wanted. Not at all. I just wish that she could be spared from this fucked up shit, she doesn't deserve this.

How the fuck is the other one always 5 steps ahead?

Oh yea, because who would ever guess that a very close friend would betray your trust and use what they know as leverage against you, you wouldn't, would you? But that's exactly what she does, time and time again. The only other person that knows this besides me has been dismissed as a crazy ex-girlfriend.

*sigh*

This hurts and angers me because its hurting one of the best friends that I've ever had.

It may seem that I'm being too clingy, too territorial when it comes to my friends but you must know, I'm not the "cock block friend" by any means. You want to get yours, fine, that's your deal but I'll be damned if you go to his place alone. You can get it on in the next room whatever, wear a condom, please but I'll be watching old movies in his living room. That's what a good friend would do, non?

So as a good friend, I don't want, what can potentially go down, to go down. Its not right. Its not fair, and its completely the makings of a manipulative, vindictive, insecure, psychopath, who over and over again hurts people with little or zero consequence.

If this does go down, there will be consequences! You have to know what you've done is wrong! You have to understand that you've destroyed people! You have to realize that you can't treat people that way!

Same thing over and over. I'm hoping for the best.

Don't Judge Me But...

I kind of really love this song...SHUT UP!

You blew it, kid!

As you get older you get a reality check, when it comes to courtship and relationships. Firstly, that may be the 'cutest boi eva' but he's also the biggest douche bag ever with gonorrhea. Secondly looks really aren't that important if the dude is funny, talented (at whatever he does), sweet, passionate, nice, and treats you the way you should be treated.

I mean I've fallen in love with dudes that weren't exactly Johnny Depp, they weren't ugly by any stretch of the imagination but again, no Johnny Depp. But they were cool, we vibed, we had fun, etc. Which is what any relationship is about, right?

So because of this experience I have/had sworn off all pretty boys, all athletic types because my experiences with them have ALWAYS been negative, as in it always turns into a love triangle...ALWAYS and since I don't believe in competing for affections, I always bow out and subsequently loose that love battle.

Whatever they're just dudes, its not that serious.

Anyway, so when I see a pretty/athletic type of dude I'll say to myself 'Oh he's hot' and then go back to whatever I was doing before. I don't flirt, I don't try and obtain numbers, I don't stalk on facebook, I don't entertain ANY of those thoughts. At all. Ever.

I've gotten really good, so good that when they try and flirt with me, it doesn't even register, and they're standing there talking to me with a hint of disbelief written on their face because I'm not eating up everything they're saying; I'm not asking engaging, flirty questions. Its strictly plan tonic, not romantic, not even sexual, just 'hey dude what's up'. It confuses them.

So because of this err 'outlook'(???), I unwittingly shut down this dude for a month and a half. Bless him, he kept on trying.

Didn't really get it then but in hindsight, he was really trying.

His attempts didn't even come up on my radar because, to be honest, I didn't think he would be interested in me, so subconsciously I suppressed the usual 'OMGEEE HE'S SO HOT', and I just didn't get it.

1)He helped bring shit to my car even though I didn't ask him to. I totally brushed him off, telling him to just put it down and that I'll deal with it.

2)In our seminar he kept looking at me and always got this nervous look on his face

3)When I spoke to him he would get shy and just stare and then randomly declare things in a very authoritative manner.

4)The most telling of all things, was when we were alone. in the office. in the dark. He kept on asking me about my summer and what I had done and if I had enjoyed it. Even when I gave very short, non-engaging answers, he still continued. Even after a moment of silence, he continued. Even after I told him I had to go, he continued. And this time was different than all the others because I could actually feel that he was trying, you know? Before this day if you told me he was into me I'd probably say you were on crack but this time I felt the tension. I didn't feel it immediately, only after I left I thought 'what the hell just happened?'

Now I'm kicking myself because how could I be so dense? He was hot, muscular, tall, green eyed, and he wasn't a douche bag, and he was nice to me, and I completely shut him down! Just because of all of those other hot, muscular, tall, green eyed, dudes that came before him.

DAMN!

And now that school has started our schedules do no intersect at all and I don't know if and when I'll see him again. UGH!

...this also makes me wonder how many other hot dudes I've unknowingly shut down.

What an idiot

I'm glad Iive in the city because...

when the subway shuts down during rush hour, I know exactly how I'm going to get home and that's exactly what happened today. I was all by myself. The trains stopped running, the platform at York Mills was packed like a sardine can but I was calm. I knew what to do, where to go, where the shuttle buses would be. I can only imagine what it would have been like for those people who aren't used to the TTC. The city has made me street smart, and self-sufficient, despite the stereotype that city slickers don't know how to make fire, I'd say I'm pretty savy, when the occasion calls.


Stranded? NEVA!!!!!!!!!

If Only...

Wouldn't it be nice (I give you permission to sing the beach boys song)? Never mind the fact that if we were able to use the above buttons, our universe and the fabric of time would be seriously fucked, let's just fantasize away shall we?

Rewind: I'd go to the University of Windsor
Play: Orgasms...over and over again
Pause: This past summer
Stop: Arguments
Fast Forward: Work; life's too short for 9-5!