You blew it, kid!

As you get older you get a reality check, when it comes to courtship and relationships. Firstly, that may be the 'cutest boi eva' but he's also the biggest douche bag ever with gonorrhea. Secondly looks really aren't that important if the dude is funny, talented (at whatever he does), sweet, passionate, nice, and treats you the way you should be treated.

I mean I've fallen in love with dudes that weren't exactly Johnny Depp, they weren't ugly by any stretch of the imagination but again, no Johnny Depp. But they were cool, we vibed, we had fun, etc. Which is what any relationship is about, right?

So because of this experience I have/had sworn off all pretty boys, all athletic types because my experiences with them have ALWAYS been negative, as in it always turns into a love triangle...ALWAYS and since I don't believe in competing for affections, I always bow out and subsequently loose that love battle.

Whatever they're just dudes, its not that serious.

Anyway, so when I see a pretty/athletic type of dude I'll say to myself 'Oh he's hot' and then go back to whatever I was doing before. I don't flirt, I don't try and obtain numbers, I don't stalk on facebook, I don't entertain ANY of those thoughts. At all. Ever.

I've gotten really good, so good that when they try and flirt with me, it doesn't even register, and they're standing there talking to me with a hint of disbelief written on their face because I'm not eating up everything they're saying; I'm not asking engaging, flirty questions. Its strictly plan tonic, not romantic, not even sexual, just 'hey dude what's up'. It confuses them.

So because of this err 'outlook'(???), I unwittingly shut down this dude for a month and a half. Bless him, he kept on trying.

Didn't really get it then but in hindsight, he was really trying.

His attempts didn't even come up on my radar because, to be honest, I didn't think he would be interested in me, so subconsciously I suppressed the usual 'OMGEEE HE'S SO HOT', and I just didn't get it.

1)He helped bring shit to my car even though I didn't ask him to. I totally brushed him off, telling him to just put it down and that I'll deal with it.

2)In our seminar he kept looking at me and always got this nervous look on his face

3)When I spoke to him he would get shy and just stare and then randomly declare things in a very authoritative manner.

4)The most telling of all things, was when we were alone. in the office. in the dark. He kept on asking me about my summer and what I had done and if I had enjoyed it. Even when I gave very short, non-engaging answers, he still continued. Even after a moment of silence, he continued. Even after I told him I had to go, he continued. And this time was different than all the others because I could actually feel that he was trying, you know? Before this day if you told me he was into me I'd probably say you were on crack but this time I felt the tension. I didn't feel it immediately, only after I left I thought 'what the hell just happened?'

Now I'm kicking myself because how could I be so dense? He was hot, muscular, tall, green eyed, and he wasn't a douche bag, and he was nice to me, and I completely shut him down! Just because of all of those other hot, muscular, tall, green eyed, dudes that came before him.

DAMN!

And now that school has started our schedules do no intersect at all and I don't know if and when I'll see him again. UGH!

...this also makes me wonder how many other hot dudes I've unknowingly shut down.

What an idiot