Moving to New York

For a month. This summer. With the BFF.

Love New York. Miss it terribly! Its been 3 years since I've been. Can`t believe that much time has passed can`t believe how different everything is. The people I went with last time, I swore they`d always be in my life and now I speak to neither of them, and as the years passed I found out what acutally happened on that trip, between them, while I was asleep.

Ignorant to what was going on, it was one of the happiest memories of my life. I was 19 years old. My first trip out of the country without my parents, and with two my dearest friends, in one of the greatest cities on earth. The first few days we walked everywhere, we got to see a lot more of the city that way but it was mainly because we were afraid to take the subway, since the New York system is much more complicated than Toronto`s. We did end up taking it to Spring st. though, and after that realized it wasn`t that complicated after all.

We saw Ice-T in times squre, hung out in central park, played in FAO Schwartz and took a tour of the harbour. It was so much fun, good clean fun (we were underage by American standards) but looking back on it, it has now been tainted by what I didn`t know before but now I do. I still have those memories but a certain person`s attitude now makes sense. I still look back fondly but waking up alone now makes sense.

I think I`m over us not being friends anymore, I`ve realized that its very grade 7 of me to be angry with them when there is nothing to be done, hell I would even hang out with them in a group setting, I`m not saying we`d be friends, I`m just saying we`re ok now.

On to New York 2010! Will be much better, being more comfortable with myself, the city and having a real friendship with the person I`m going with. I`m excited, its nearly a year away but I can`t wait, we all need something to look forward to, right. Oh yea I will be 23 when I go, so I will be boozing it up with the lower east side!

The Universe - 1; Nicole - 0

This is not what I had wanted. Not at all. I just wish that she could be spared from this fucked up shit, she doesn't deserve this.

How the fuck is the other one always 5 steps ahead?

Oh yea, because who would ever guess that a very close friend would betray your trust and use what they know as leverage against you, you wouldn't, would you? But that's exactly what she does, time and time again. The only other person that knows this besides me has been dismissed as a crazy ex-girlfriend.

*sigh*

This hurts and angers me because its hurting one of the best friends that I've ever had.

It may seem that I'm being too clingy, too territorial when it comes to my friends but you must know, I'm not the "cock block friend" by any means. You want to get yours, fine, that's your deal but I'll be damned if you go to his place alone. You can get it on in the next room whatever, wear a condom, please but I'll be watching old movies in his living room. That's what a good friend would do, non?

So as a good friend, I don't want, what can potentially go down, to go down. Its not right. Its not fair, and its completely the makings of a manipulative, vindictive, insecure, psychopath, who over and over again hurts people with little or zero consequence.

If this does go down, there will be consequences! You have to know what you've done is wrong! You have to understand that you've destroyed people! You have to realize that you can't treat people that way!

Same thing over and over. I'm hoping for the best.