There is no fate but what we make

1)If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would scream:

If you get the chance you must dance, dance, DANCE!

-Find a New Way by Young Love

2)The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say:

we were looking for something to blow up
we were looking for something to follow
we had one way out
we had some hours left
we were so close
we knew we were chosen
we aimed for high speed
and for someone who could catch me

-Girls Night Out by The Knife

3)Your favorite thing to say when drunk is:

I could say that I'll always be here for you.
But that would be a lie and quite a pointless thing to do.
I could says that I'll always have feelings for you.
But I've got a life ahead of me, I'm only 22.

-I Could Say by Lily Allen

3)Your message to the world:

You could live in the sea
And I could be a bird
We would be together
Lovers forever
Care for each other

-Venus by Air

4)When you think of your best friend you think:

Can't break it, can't take who you are
Remember boy you're a superstar

-Council Estate by Tricky


5)Your deepest secret:

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour, I hold secrets flame
You can watch the world devoured in it's pain

-The End Is The Beginning Is The End by The Smashing Pumpkins

6)Your innermost desire:

I'll do graffiti if you sing to me in French,
What are we doing here if romance isn't dead,
Mind your mouth as you walk with me,
Take care ooh as you cross the street

-Graffiti by Maximo Park

7)Your oldest memory makes you think:

Get your payments from the nation
For your trials and tribulations

-Tribulations by LCD Soundsystem

8)Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include:

I can't walk the line
I can't see the time
I'm falling out of view
I'm sinking into you

-Better Than Sunday by Ladyhawke

9)On your deathbed, you'll whisper:

There's a tender relation between my anger and my patience.
And a direct connection between my love and inspiration.

-The Things We Could Share by Groove Armada

9)Your friends say behind your back:

When my feet go through the door
I know what my right arm is for
Buy a drink and pull a chair
Up to the edge of the dance floor
Bouncers bouncing through the night
Trying to stop or start a fight
I sit and watch the flashing lights
Moving legs in footless tights

-Friday Night, Saturday Morning by Nouvelle Vague

10)You say behind your friends' back:

I'm the king's thirty second son
Born to him in thirty second's time
Born to him the night still young
Born to him with two eyebrows on
And that's all I was wearing
When I woke up staring at the world

-Oedipus by Regina Spektor


11)When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:

I stole the keys to the skies
We'll leave this place for the final time
No crying words no goodbyes
Yet tonight we're burning all the dark times

-This Boy's In Love by The Presets

12)If you found yourself lost on a desert island, you'd yell:

I'm leaving bitterness behind
This time I'm cleaning up my mind
There is no space for the regrets
I will remember to forget

-Peace by Depeche Mode

13)Right now, your feelings are:

We give it up and then they take it away
A girl's got to zip it up
And get her head in the shade
Baby, we give it up
It's just a matter of time
Before all the heavy stuff
Comes back to bite your behind
-Biology by Girls Aloud
14)Your life's soundtrack:

How on earth could I be any more obvious?
It never really did and now it's never gonna happen with the two of us
I don't understand what it is that you're chasing after
But it makes me really sad to hear you sound so desperate
It just makes it harder

-Never Gonna Happen by Lily

15)The day you fall in love will be the day that:

Didn't mean to make you panic, didn't mean to put you off
Baby it's the way that you've got me
I listen to my heart and it takes you high
And you ask me how, can I show you how?
I need your love right now

-You Don' Have a Clue by Royksopp

16)You scream during sex:

I have a microchip implanted in my heart
So if I try to escape the robots will blow me apart
And my limbs will go flying and land before the ones that I love
Who would wail and would weep but the robots would keep them at bay
While I shut my eyes for the very last time.
Citizens of tomorrow be forewarned.
Citizens of Tomorrow by Tokyo Police Club

17)Your farewell message to the readers of this:

Out at sea for seven years I got your letter in Tangier
Thought that I'd been on a boat til that single word you wrote
That single word it landlocked me turned the masts to cedar trees
And the winds to gravel roads
Idaho, oh Idaho

-Idaho by Josh Ritter

The Hard Goodbye Pt. 2

So Alice is gone. I wrote her a letter, like actually hand wrote her a letter that I slipped into my copy of World War Z and told her not to read it till after the plane took off. Sentimental? Cheesy? Ok, yea it totally was but all the things I wrote were things she needed to know. To have such a lack of support from her parents, she needed to know what she was doing, was right and not to have ANY regrets or worries. Hopefully my letter gave her piece of mind, because that was its purpose. I know she'll have an amazing time.

Celeste is here! I saw her on Friday. We spent the day in and around the Eaton's Centre because that's a tourist hotspot with Dundas Square and the bronze cowboy. So now its essentially my duty to be tour guide and entertainment organizer which I don't necessarily object to. It will force me to get out this summer and do more than just work and stress about the upcoming school year. I must say though it does not feel as if its been four years since Celeste and I saw each other. I thought it would be awkward because she's the super Sydney club skan- uh go'er and I'm...not. However, we did pick up where we left off: her saying crazy things and me being left flabbergasted. Good relationship, I say!

My summer job is starting up. We're having meetings and trainings and this year we have a new supervisor and with a new supervisor come new changes. She seems nice enough (through emails because we have not met yet) but there are some changes that are a bit perplexing. For one thing, the parents don't need newsletters, its summer camp. I'm sure this is a welcome respite from the constant newsletters and information packages that are sent home with their kids during the school year, AND its not exactly in line with thinking green since we all know where said newsletters will end up. Plus with our camp, we don't necessarily have a plan. That's not to say that we have no idea what we're doing day in and day out but if a particular group of kids can't do a drill or aren't enjoying an activity, I'm not going to force them to do it because that's the plan. Its more of a guide than a plan but we'll see what happens. I'm thinking I'm going to have a lot to say at our meeting on Friday...although she probably won't want to hear it because I missed the first meeting because of my other job and I'm going to miss our last meeting before camp starts because I have my road test that day. I'm sure I'm her favorite already.

Summer, it has arrived

Peace Will Come To Me

Depeche Mode - "Peace"


The chorus has some church flavour to it, classic Depeche Mode always dabbling in spiritual and religious imagery (see Jesus, Personal; Rumours, Blasphemous; The Revelator, John). Not as good as 'Wrong' but still amazing! Ugh DM, please don't ever leave us!

The Hard Goodbye

Said my first goodbye. Right now, Vivienne is half way around the world, jet lagged and miserable...well hopefully not. My last night with her we hung out with Chris and my grade 9 crush, Jay, which I got strangely giddy over because LIKE OMG MY GRADE 9 CRUSH, who was like so totally cute back in 2002, lol. Anyways we went to this totally random European restaurant in the heart of Scarborough, which I can't say I'm familiar with.

Jay is a really good story teller and he has many stories to tell, I now understand why Vivienne won't shut up about him. He's not what you expect him to be. He wears shirts from American Apparel (how bad is it that I can recognize a plain tee as AA), skinny jeans, and rebook high tops. Except he's got this really 'small town Ontario' way about him, he calls his friends his 'buddies' and talks about the cottage and 'going up north', and beer and hockey and snowboarding and yet he's been all over Europe and Southern Asia and has tried foods that I won't even look at. He's a strange one, I was just - not in awe- but completely shocked that all these things are coming from this guy who has a goatee and lives in Whitby but enough about him.

I was a little sad that the first time Vivienne and I actually did something, regular single 21 year old girls do, she has to leave for two months. I know that I've said this before but I'm really glad that Vivienne and I have become friends again, its like grade 9 all over again, which was the last time I felt, normal, I guess? It sucks that when you experience a trauma, it takes years to get over. I mean I was 14 and now that I'm 21 (almost 22) I'm only moving on now. It has honestly been an up hill battle for the last 8 years. I hadn't realized how much damage had been done until Vivienne reminded me of the person I used to be. The transformation between June 2002 to September 2002 was a complete 180, and I never really recovered. I can't believe my family didn't notice or didn't do anything about my extreme behavioral and personality change.

Whatever, what's done is done, I've got to move on and even though I'm essentially alone this summer(ok not really) I've got to quit this Peter Pan syndrome and grow the fuck up...or at least do more adult things, honestly I still have mickey mouse bedding! Right now I can say that I'm happy with the person I am, and I'm happy to see all the amazing things that are being lined up on the horizon I just have to do it, you know! I need to grow up!

In closing: Yey for hot boys and alcohol!

TV on the Radio

I went to go see TV on the Radio with Val and her friend Matt on Tuesday. Before that night I heard about them but never heard their music and before that night I had not seen Val since high school graduation, so how did this come to pass?

In high school we were into the same music and even went to the edge to meet Kasabian together, she was cool and all but our group of friends...well let's just say they didn't overlap, we could probably thank the other one for that but that's not important. So anyways, she randomly messaged me on facebook a few weeks ago and have since exchanged several messages about, what else, our amazing taste in music, lol.

Last weekend she messaged me about how she had an extra ticket to TV on the Radio and asked if I wanted to go. At the time I was feeling pretty low about Alice and Vivienne, and we got along well enough in high school, and I'm a pretty accommodating person so I thought 'why the fuck not?'.

I must say I do not regret my decision. There was only one semi-awkward moment when her and Matt were talking about school and I was just like 'I study people...' but overall I had a good time. The opening act, Dirty Projectors, were garbage! Yea I just said that you hipster fucks! But TV on the Radio were sooooo good. I didn't know what to expect and I was pleasantly blown away by them, they were amazing! They're music is this folky, soulful, indie, eclectic, concoction . Its effing brilliant!

I'm really glad I went because now I have a concert buddy, and its always nice to rekindle old friendships. Yey, more friends! Why not?



PS Can you detect a certain legend singing in the background of 'Province'? If they got him to sing with them, then you know they're good!

Summer

This is essentially how I'm feeling right now.

We can make it rain again I'd feel like I belong
Let's make it cold again I'm not ready and it's wrong
We can put the outdoor chairs back in and lock the door
Go back to walking all heads down and put our coats back on

The summer's come too soon and I'm still missing you

We can stay at home and draw the blinds and light a fire
Pull the covers high and go to sleep early for hours
Don't want to be too hot and there's no way to cool down
Don't want to sit outside all night or even leave the house

The summer's come too soon and I'm still missing you

I don't want to sit and drink in parks and watch the sun go down
Don't want to put my feet in water and lie back in the grass
I don't want to watch the planes go by or hold anybody's hand

The summer's come too soon and I can't come back to you
The summer's come too soon and I'm still missing you

And if the sun would go down stop reminding me now
If we ever had a choice, I don't mind now
And if the sun would go down stop reminding me now
If we ever had a choice, I don't mind now