The Hard Goodbye

Said my first goodbye. Right now, Vivienne is half way around the world, jet lagged and miserable...well hopefully not. My last night with her we hung out with Chris and my grade 9 crush, Jay, which I got strangely giddy over because LIKE OMG MY GRADE 9 CRUSH, who was like so totally cute back in 2002, lol. Anyways we went to this totally random European restaurant in the heart of Scarborough, which I can't say I'm familiar with.

Jay is a really good story teller and he has many stories to tell, I now understand why Vivienne won't shut up about him. He's not what you expect him to be. He wears shirts from American Apparel (how bad is it that I can recognize a plain tee as AA), skinny jeans, and rebook high tops. Except he's got this really 'small town Ontario' way about him, he calls his friends his 'buddies' and talks about the cottage and 'going up north', and beer and hockey and snowboarding and yet he's been all over Europe and Southern Asia and has tried foods that I won't even look at. He's a strange one, I was just - not in awe- but completely shocked that all these things are coming from this guy who has a goatee and lives in Whitby but enough about him.

I was a little sad that the first time Vivienne and I actually did something, regular single 21 year old girls do, she has to leave for two months. I know that I've said this before but I'm really glad that Vivienne and I have become friends again, its like grade 9 all over again, which was the last time I felt, normal, I guess? It sucks that when you experience a trauma, it takes years to get over. I mean I was 14 and now that I'm 21 (almost 22) I'm only moving on now. It has honestly been an up hill battle for the last 8 years. I hadn't realized how much damage had been done until Vivienne reminded me of the person I used to be. The transformation between June 2002 to September 2002 was a complete 180, and I never really recovered. I can't believe my family didn't notice or didn't do anything about my extreme behavioral and personality change.

Whatever, what's done is done, I've got to move on and even though I'm essentially alone this summer(ok not really) I've got to quit this Peter Pan syndrome and grow the fuck up...or at least do more adult things, honestly I still have mickey mouse bedding! Right now I can say that I'm happy with the person I am, and I'm happy to see all the amazing things that are being lined up on the horizon I just have to do it, you know! I need to grow up!

In closing: Yey for hot boys and alcohol!