We Won't Ever Come Back From This

So long, my friend. There must always be an end but all our love and life, and song, carries on. I carry it on. Now the lightships are guiding you over the sea. And the lightships are sailing you away from me, over the edge of the world. The edge of the world. Over the edge but I carry you on I carry you on. And I carry on.

-Patrick Wolf

Tomorrow is the anniversary of Vivienne's best friend's death. I remember hearing about it and thinking, 'This can't be. Its just not possible', and to this day I still can't wrap my head around the fact that he's gone. I hadn't seen him in years and only ever knew him in passing but I think that has something to do with the fact that I just can't believe he's gone. To me he still exists somewhere, to me he's still alive but to all the people who loved him the reality is, he's gone.

I won't go into detail about other people's grief because its not my place to talk about it, least of all on a blog but Michael's death just made me realize how final, death is. There is no cheating it, there are no second chances, there is no forever, we all will die. Everyone you have ever met, hated, loved, locked eyes with, will die. This is something we don't often think about because a)We as humans are quite arrogant and have this 'emperor's new clothes' belief that we're indestructible and b)Death as a whole is just a vortex, it takes so much energy and emotion to process, on a regular basis, even just in thought.

People in my family have passed away but no one I was particularly close with so I have never had to feel the burden of grief for a prolonged period of time, especially grief over someone you always expected to be there.

You know, well you expect, that your grandparents and parents and aunts and uncles will pass away before you but when its a brother or a sister or a best friend; someone you were planning to have in your life until you kicked it, when you were in your 80s, is just a blow to your universe and your way of thinking.

Its easy to be objective about death when its not you who's going through a loss, its easy to say 'its a part of life'. All I know is if I lost my brother or sister or a really good friend *knocks on wood* I'd be a complete wreck, inconsolable, and I know it would take me YEARS to come to terms with the fact that a person I love will never drink orange juice again, or have to buy band aids, or take the bus, or brush their teeth, or find out what happens in the next Harry Potter movie...

...see thinking about it, just tears your world apart, and that's just thinking about it imagine if someone you loved was dying or dead.

Hm.

Death, I don't know what to make of you

Bitch, Please.

This billboard and the the wave of differing opinions about it, really made me open my eyes to the 'Toronto Hate' that the rest of Canada likes to partake in, and I know I have a heavy bias in this but I for one cannot understand it.

I've lived in Toronto my entire life, and I can't recall a time when myself or a fellow Torontonian has called someone from Calgary a redneck Cowboy; or someone from Vancouver a granola eating hippie; or someone from Newfoundland an ignorant noob; or someone from the Yukon a polar bear fighting 'Eskimo'. That's not to say that absolutely NO Torontonian has made an extremely stereotypical, highly offensive remark, what I'm saying is that we in Toronto do not typically make fun of or hate on, other places in Canada, a courtesy that is not repaid, it appears.

If you don't know, the belief is, people from Toronto are rude, egotistical, New Yorker wannabes; and the city itself is dirty, crime ridden, and not a very good place to live, or 'raise a family'.

I can definitely understand that if you're from a small town or a smaller city and you come to Toronto and people are just going about their business and don't look you in the eye as they're walking along front street or zoned out, and listening to their ipod on the subway; that's quite I big shift from what you're used to, and I get that.

And I can understand feeling overwhelmed at the size of our city and kind of missing a sense of community when walking down Bay St. but you have to understand a small town's sense of community and Toronto's sense of community are two very different things, its hard to compare.

My experience has been, your community is where you live and to a point where you work. Toronto is so huge, with its many Burroughs, and districts, you'll find it hard pressed to feel at home on Queen St. if you live in East York but that's not to say that people living on Queen St. wouldn't be warm and friendly to someone from East York. And if you work on Bay St. and you go to the same sandwich shop everyday for lunch then you create a type of community with the people that work there and the people that frequent there. That's community in the big city.

I get, that the inbetweens can seem particularly cold to people who don't live in Toronto (ie walking down the street; taking transit) but its not because Torontoians are mean its because our city is so big; we see can see hundreds of different people everyday and saying 'hi how are you' to every person that sits beside us on the subway car, is a daunting task. That doesn't mean we don't give our seats up for the elderly or help a mother with her stroller or say sorry if someone's foot is stepped on or make funny faces at babies.

Whenever I need help from any of my fellow Torontonians, they've been friendly and accommodating, whether its directions or leaving my bag on the bus, they're always there to help and if someone is rude to me I don't say to myself 'Oh there is a Toronto asshole' I say to myself 'that person is an asshole'. A person is an asshole because, they're an asshole not because, of where they live.

Some people may say that those of us who are complaining, need to get a sense of humour because the billboard is only a joke. However, I'm so sick of all the hate from people who are up their asses about Toronto. And we're the rude, snobby ones? Yeah, okay.

The funny thing is when I meet people from other provinces they're actually shocked at how polite Torontonians are, and when I travel outside of Toronto and people find out where I'm from, they give me flack about the terrible city I live in. Perplexed by their opinion, I always ask them if they've ever been to Toronto, and they all give the same answer: No.

Wow.

Oh and quit it with the mentality that people from small towns have a monopoly on morality and good values because that is definately not the case, so get off your high horse!

New Favourite Song!

I love, love, love, LOVE this song:



When it comes to music I'm such an anglophile, and I kind of hate it. Don't get me wrong British music is good but there is some great Can Con out there (Wintersleep, Broken Social Scene, Jen Grant, Junior Boys, etc) but somehow when going through my playlist(s) about 85% of the artists are British. What's that all about? Britain's okay and all but it ain't all that...I wish people I went to school with, understood this.